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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Emily Straw's LiveJournal:

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Friday, November 9th, 2007
12:46 am
things i'll never say
*"Things I'll Never Say" -Avril Lavigne

Things I Can't Believe:
-I'm over halfway through with college.
-I'm nearing a weight level I told myself I'd never let myself reach.
-I haven't seen my sister in two years.
-I may very well have another niece or nephew before I meet my first one.
-Bert's gone.
-It's been over two years since I've lived at home.
-I'm growing up.

Current Mood: okay

(3 angels | ~*~waiting for wings~*~)

Sunday, September 16th, 2007
11:51 am
better to have loved and lost?
Pet catastrophes since June 2006:
-Ginger died
-Bert flew away
-Buddy Bear died
-All of my fish at home died.


Current Mood: pissed off

(1 angel | ~*~waiting for wings~*~)

Thursday, June 28th, 2007
8:24 pm
I'm completely overcome with grief, fright, terror, and hopelessness and I don't know what to do.

(2 angels | ~*~waiting for wings~*~)

Wednesday, June 27th, 2007
11:08 pm
Ruby is missing.

He was last seen early afternoon on Wednesday, June 27, 2007 at 604 Maple Hill Drive in Gwinn. He could be anywhere by now. He's never been anywhere other than the vet.
He goes by "Ruby," "Rubert," and "Bert." He should reply to/mimick "Peekaboo," "Pretty bird," or a cat call. But if he's little and green and looks out of place, I can almost guarantee you it's him.
Rubert is my baby. He was supposed to live another 35 years... I was planning on having him for a very long time still. This is a complete shock.
Please, please, please keep an eye out for him. I love him to death and I don't want him to be as scared as he is right now. He's an amazing creature and doesn't deserve it.


Current Mood: terrified

(~*~waiting for wings~*~)

Sunday, April 1st, 2007
9:18 pm
your memory is bringin' me too many tears
*"Too Many Tears" -Maxine Sullivan

Still, after almost a year, a moment will hit me when I remember that Ginger's never coming back, and that she's up in heaven somewhere without us. I know she's probably not alone, but she's not with us-- not with anyone she knows. I don't think I'll ever have the strength to change my desktop. I cannot peel myself away from her. Sometimes I wonder if I ever actually finished going through the grieving process, or if maybe I just finish going through and start at the beginning all over again. I know what you're all thinking-- All over a dog. But I'll never be able to explain to anyone that she was so much more to me than that.....

Current Mood: sad

(~*~waiting for wings~*~)

Monday, March 26th, 2007
12:37 pm
the future is unclear

Which online summer class should I take?

View Results

(8 angels | ~*~waiting for wings~*~)

Wednesday, March 14th, 2007
10:51 pm
i can feel your heart in mine
*"You're Still You" -Josh Groban

Time to get up to snuff on the life of Emily, people!
I'm losing fat and gaining muscle. I'm looking better, but the scale's giving me the same numbers. Meh.
My short-lived plans of going to Germany for a while in the summer have depleted. Here's what I have going for me for the summer so far:
-Find a job
-Take 1 or 2 summer courses
-Do Kiss Me Kate and see what I can snag at LST
-Spend a week in Door County with Tim and his parents
-Take Tim to Mackinac Island for a day or two
I might be subletting from the house that Tim and Co. are leasing for next year for the summer. That was a confusing sentence. But all in all, I'd be watching their house for the summer and paying a small fee. That means living by myself. Harumph. I don't mind living in a dorm room/maybe apartment by myself, but a house seems like a big place. We'll have to think about this.
I can't believe how fast summer-- and next year-- are coming. There's so much to do. Not just short-term stuff like homework, but figuring out where I'm living and what I'm doing for the summer and next year, figuring out classes, getting on track in the Education department... I realized this morning that by this time in two years, I'll probably have finished my student teaching. Yeeeek!
I felt old the other day when I saw the name of a boy who used to go to the daycare at which I worked in the Hello, Dolly! program under the title "High School Intern."
BED! I'm going to get seven hours of sleep tonight, dammit!

Hugs & Pretzels,

Current Mood: content

(2 angels | ~*~waiting for wings~*~)

Saturday, December 30th, 2006
10:47 pm
there's a moment when fear and dreams must collide
*"Let Me Fall" -Josh Groban

I had a suuuuuuuuper rough week-ish, and for the first time right now, I feel like Emily again. I just ate some cheese and crackers and actually enjoyed them (I hadn't eaten in a week due to being sick for a few days and then just losing my appetite altogether,) Tim took me shopping and I bought some things to love, I feel really good about my body right now, and at this particular moment, my life is okay. Had you asked me twelve hours ago, I would have said the opposite, and ask me twelve hours from now, and I may not feel this way. But the important thing is that right now, I feel good.

I probably won't update before tomorrow night, so Happy 2007 to everyone! Be safe on your NYE excursions, please. I trust that all of you will, but... just because I'm all motherlike right now for some reason, make good decisions. :-)

Current Mood: good

(~*~waiting for wings~*~)

Friday, December 22nd, 2006
5:18 pm

(4 angels | ~*~waiting for wings~*~)

4:43 pm
nobody wants to be alone at christmas
The first day is the hardest and I'm just gonna keep telling myself that over and over again as I bawl, hating the fact that it's somewhere around three weeks until I see him again. I'm not even going to count the days. Why do I have to be so damn pathetic? It makes me hate myself a little bit.

I would also like to lose some weight.

Today is not a fun day at all.

Current Mood: gloomy

(~*~waiting for wings~*~)

Tuesday, November 14th, 2006
10:58 pm
i like this
1. What's the first word that comes to your mind when you think of me? Don't tell me what it is.
2. Run a Google image search on that word.
3. Reply to this entry & post that picture.
4. Put this in your journal, and I'll do the same for you.

(6 angels | ~*~waiting for wings~*~)

Friday, November 10th, 2006
1:33 am

(~*~waiting for wings~*~)

Friday, October 27th, 2006
10:52 pm
covered with scars i did nothing to earn
*"Still Hurting" -The Last 5 Years

I wrote this a couple of months ago. It seems quote-worthy.

You can’t only be friends with someone when you want to be. You can’t say, “Oh, she’s in a bad mood today, so I’m not going to talk to her.” That bad mood day is when she needs you. If you’re not there for her, she’s going to stay in that bad mood and you’ll never talk to her again. But maybe that’s what you want. Maybe you want her to be in a bad mood forever so you never do have to talk to her again. Maybe those bad days of silence are more than worth the days you have to suffer through pretending you’re her friend on the “good” days.

Current Mood: scared

(3 angels | ~*~waiting for wings~*~)

Tuesday, October 24th, 2006
1:21 am
lie with me and just forget the world
*"Chasing Cars" -Snow Patrol

Rehearsal: I still don't feel like I'm living up to how well I should be doing as Virginia. I was super proud of myself tonight because I was really close to off-book, but there were too many bad things that outweighed that for it to even be excited. Granted, a lot of what was "wrong" was just Paul changing his mind as to what he wants, but I think that I was put in this role for some reason(s) other than my acting ability, and now they have to work with me a lot to get that up to par with whatever the other reason could have been.
School: I'm doing okay, but barely. I've been into the doing-homework-fifteen-minutes-before-it's-due deal lately, which I've never ever ever done in my life. I hope I get over that.
Diet: I've lost one pound. Maybe that's the barrier I had to break to lose even more. We'll hope so. It's amazing to feel healthy, though. Getting the right vitamins in a balanced diet and using my body to its full physical potential are both very exciting.
Boyfriend: Tim is amazing. I win, I win, I win, and I win. He makes me a frickin' happy person.
Girlfriend: We haven't had much time together lately, but we're going on a date soon.
Sleep: The boy has become much more important than sleep. Unfortunately, my body disagrees with that idea.
I suppose that's all.

Hugs & Kit-Kats,

Current Mood: thirsty

(~*~waiting for wings~*~)

Thursday, October 12th, 2006
12:41 am
seven days and seven nights of thunder
*"The Eighth World Wonder" -Vanessa Carlton

Not exactly sure what's wrong with me... Tim and I were sitting in my room and I was about to point out to him the hundreds of moths attacking my window. Before I had a chance to speak, he said, "Look! Snow!" Hmm... yes... that's right. I forgot entirely that snow existed and thought that moths were under attack. Fill the holes with the brains.
My room smells like tuna. Not the most friendly or romantic smell in the world.
I am weak.
I am jealous.
I am paranoid.
I am frustrated.
But most of all, I am doing homework. I just thought I'd share the moth attack story. Mini-update:
Classes= slacking.
Sleep= lacking.
Homework= doing.
Quesadilla= chewing.
Tell-tale= scary.
Tired= very.
(Har, har, har. Clever.)

Hugs & Quesadillas,

Current Mood: stressed

(1 angel | ~*~waiting for wings~*~)

Saturday, September 30th, 2006
9:59 pm
i'm so happy i'm afraid
*"Happiness" -Bernadette Peters

Emily has an almost-boyfriend and likes him a whole frickin' lot. Wowwwwwwwwww. I'm so giddy, I'm melting. ::sigh::
Today, I have eaten a strawberry-banana smoothie, a nutrigrain bar, and half of a turkey sandwich. I have also consumed a small iced chai. That's really not much. I may have to break into the pseudo-roommate's food.
The guys are watching V for Vendetta tonight. We were going to watch it last night, but everyone was too tired... So they're watching it tonight and didn't invite me. :-\ Understandable, though, I suppose. I've been intruding on their guys-only time a lot lately, so maybe they just want some time without the girl-- especially since one of the guys gets all cuddly with the girl. Harumph.
There's never time to be bored, though. There's always homework and practicing to do. And sleeping.
I slept until 2:00 this afternoon. I was up until 5:00am. That was a lot of sleep. But yesterday was a lot of being awake.
Tomorrow, I get to go on a double-date of sorts. A date with my girlfriend and a date with my boyfriend-type-thing all at the same time! Teehee.
Hopefully, tomorrow will consist of church, homework, practicing, the loaf, and a date. The loaf may not happen, though. But the date will. I love dates. And I love my girlfriend. And I love the fact that I almost have a boyfriend.
Bop, bop, bop. Homework, cardio, sleep. Woooot.

Hugs & Turkey Sandwiches,

Current Mood: hungry

(~*~waiting for wings~*~)

Monday, September 25th, 2006
9:53 pm
life is random and unfair
*"Pandemonium" -The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee

1000 words on my English essay down, 600 to go. That shouldn't be too difficult. I have four days. I have a lot of homework due in four days, though. Where is the time?
People are watching a movie upstairs. I wasn't invited. A certain friend of those people thinks that I should be bold and go up there-- make myself known and invited. I'm debating. I guess I'm not that bold. If it was convenient to just nonchalantly walk by and see if they invited me in, that would be cool, but I have no reason to do that, so I guess I'll just sit here.
I hate having crushes. Too many emotions involved. Do I have time to have a crush? No. Is that going to stop me? No. Is hating having a crush going to stop me from having a crush? Of course not.
Food time? I think yes.

Hugs & Crackers,

Current Mood: hungry

(~*~waiting for wings~*~)

Thursday, September 21st, 2006
11:31 pm
will you fall for me the way i want you to?
*"Will You Fall for Me" -Delta Goodrem

About a week and a half ago, I made the right decision. A few days later, I decided to consciously make the wrong decision. Then, before I had the opportunity to carry out that decision, the decision took care of itself. I don't have to face that decision anymore. I was actually kind of looking forward to making the wrong decision-- whether it was because I knew I was going to learn from it, or just because it seemed like a good idea at the time, I'm not sure, but I was looking forward to it. Now, the wrong decision is not even an option and the right decision has pretty much taken care of itself and slapped me in the face. I could just say that I made the right decision to begin with, leave it at that, and no one would ever know. But seriously, what's the point in fooling myself?

I'm not facing any decisions right now, really. I made a decision earlier... a decision that makes me wait for results. I have twenty-one hours of waiting to go. Good Lord, I hope it's less, but it probably won't be. And after those twenty-one hours of waiting, I'll probably end up disappointed. But I did have courage earlier today-- enough courage to make a decision. I'm proud of myself for making that decision. I just have to remember to be patient.

I must make the decision to do my homework now. O.o

Hugs & Breadsticks,

Current Mood: contemplative

(~*~waiting for wings~*~)

Thursday, September 14th, 2006
10:34 pm
This is a test.

(1 angel | ~*~waiting for wings~*~)

Tuesday, September 12th, 2006
11:30 pm
i'm fine, i'm fine, i'm fine
*"A Miracle Would Happen" -The Last 5 Years

www.pandora.com. Best website on the entire Internet. Wowwwwwwwwwwwww. In love.
The first Music Education Seminar in history was today. I'm not going to lie-- it's a good idea. But seriously... it's too much. Especially since it's not a class. They're trying to turn Music Ed into its own program instead of collaborating with the School of Education. I say they shouldn't even bother with that until they can turn it into its own program instead of trying to have us do things for both the School of Education and this new-fangled Music Education program. It's just ridiculous. No use explaining anything. However I explain it, it won't sound like nearly as much work as it's actually going to be.
I'm in need of a massage. Not the kind of massage my insurance pays for every month. The kind of massage where I can talk to my boyfriend and say, "I could really use a massage today," and I'd get a massage from someone I actually care about and it would be nice. It's nice to think about.
I can't even imagine dating right now. I can't focus on anything as it is. I can't see how I could throw a boyfriend into the mix. Wow. It's not like I'm meeting new people, anyway, so I don't have anything to worry about there.
I'm off to be in love with Pandora some more, mayyyyyybe do some homework, and go to bed early because all I'm doing is wasting time being ADD.

Hugs & Cookies,

Current Mood: annoyed

(~*~waiting for wings~*~)

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